Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
