I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
