Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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