I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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