you would pick up someone in the library
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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