Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize