Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
