Will you blow on my dice?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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