i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
