I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
