i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
