if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
