i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize