Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
