Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
