My cat gives me a boner
you would pick up someone in the library
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
