We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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