you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
