Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You made out with two different species that night
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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