Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she smelled like a LAN party
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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