i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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