So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
