After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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