Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
