Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
