So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
