you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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