Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
