Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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