Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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