Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
