We're facebook friends in real life
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
