she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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