Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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