New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
