It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize