"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
