ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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