It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
