Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
