we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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