you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize