Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
