the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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