Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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