my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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