My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
