So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize