I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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