No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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