are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
God, I missed his penis.
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