Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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