apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
