where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
