I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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