new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
