How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
