so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
