If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
