So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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