she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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