her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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