she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So squirting runs in the family.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
