his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
