Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize