and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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