Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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