Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
