Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
