1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
