Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
