well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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