Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
