You're my little dorito
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
jump out the window naked night went bad
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
