You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
