Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Barsexuality is the new black.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
