I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
