Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
