Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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