My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
