Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
