I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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