The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
