Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
