i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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