Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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