He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
