What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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