I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize