i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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