is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
