I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
