why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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