When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
