I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
