Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
