I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
