there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
