At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize