Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
