worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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