Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
