i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
